Control Chaos

💛365 days of Gratitude 🙏 Day 117🌺 

My life hasn't been made of flowers and candies and I would not have it any other way. Without these struggles in my life I would not know the feeling of awareness.

I thought I was okay after finding out my that I will not have a job in 2016. Honestly I don't think I really am, however I know I really need to take this opportunity to step into the unknown.

I explained before in my previous blog (12.02.15) about Unknown. Unknown is the future or uncertainty. I say uncertainty because we won't know if its coming. We must learn to live in the NOW moment of life. As we all have heard live life to its fullness today and TODAY IS NOW because we aren't sure if tomorrow is coming. But its not the Unknown that we have to fear because the now is where we can only be present and presence at the same time. 

Back to having a control chaos, losing my job again feels like a greater opportunity that my Source presented to me again. My Higher Power has presented this to me years ago and i was doubtful of what the outcome was going to be. But after what i have gone through in my life. I feel that this moment never came at a wonderful timing. I feel that a new possibility journey of a thousand mile.

Then there's my ex who's been giving a problem because his car is under my name and he  texted me said " Will I refinance my car? Yes eventually. I'll be honest this is no where near my top priorities. You know I'm smart and i understand there's no legal obligation for me to do anything. But it;s the moral obligation that I understand. Which was partially tarnished from a blog someone pointed me to." I think he changed his mind after he read my blog No Regret because he knew I was talking about him.

I think we all have that one person that brings out the devil within us. I know that he was to me. There were moments where I could not stand being with him and he just brought the worst out of me and I think I do the same for him. Oh well, what can I do. I guess he thinks of my kindness as weakness but his time will come and he'll understand where i am coming from. I wouldn't intentional hurt someone so that i can laugh at them on the sideline. I'm merely getting my shit together so that I can't help others that's been in my position. But it doesn't mean that this will be the same path that --that person will take but it will shed some light into their path.

I can't help anyone at all if i can't even help myself. There is no purpose for me at that point.

I must live and put myself first before I can't help my fellow being. I think I am entitled to express my feelings freely from diminishing of who I becoming.

Thankful, Grateful and Blessed for this events for they will direct me to the path of which I will be happy and free.