Avoid justifying wrongness

A few weeks ago I got into my head. I was taking a communication course and I didn't want to attend because I knew the answer to my insanity was in the course and when I finally sucked it up and went to class and behold I was fuckin right. The answers was there clear as day (well after i asked the supervisor to clear it up for me) and the most interesting part is that I was holding on to the wrong idea the whole time. I was wrong for thinking that the wrong intention was right; and the right thought of going to class was wrong. Basically, i was wrong at thinking i was right and right at thinking i was wrong. You want think you are right even you know its wrong, wrong because its hurtful to someone other than yourself. So I was holding on to all my wrongness the whole time. I was wrong for thinking I was right but I was right for thinking I was wrong. Thinking you are right and trying to justify it to be right even though you know it is wrong.

I cried on my mat

After being sick with the stomach flu for the first time for two days my body couldn't handle the pain. It was weak, intorrerable of movements, and the constant walk to the bathroom and the inconsistent chills my body felt that made my kneel on the floor the cried. Suited up with two jackets, sweats and two pairs of sucks and the 2 Tylenol, blankets and I was out.

I woke up to eat which I wanted to throw it up after but ate it anyway.

I woke up feeling fine this morning, I even had the energy to tidy up a bit. Then I had the urge to practice yoga. Once I stepped on my mat in child pose I began to cry or I should say bawled. I was crying while I began going through the Sun Salutation A and I managed to do 2 sets and back to child pose again all these while I was crying. I am not sure how I managed but I did. He loveliest part is that I don't know why I was crying. I guess the same when I'm happy for no reasons either.

Then I managed to sit in lotus in meditation for a bit probably not even a minute but I calm down. I met a lady last week and gave me a wonderful talk and somehow what she said stuck with me. Giving me the permission to do a pose for a few minutes on my mat. I guess it's the permission I had to give myself and not the excuses I've been giving myself. I will learn a lot from her. Namaste Jacki.

And the Logo that made it all alright.