The Power of Breath & Silence, my 10 Day Meditation Experience {Day 6}

From reading this experience of mine, I hope you are enjoying the read and have inspired you to begin your own meditation practice.

Day 6

I woke up feeling dizzy and defeated, but yet cheerful – odd, I know. I had been feeling dizzy and nauseated since day 5. I thought I was getting sick again or something was definitely wrong with me that I may need to be hospitalized (goodness, that sounds dramatic). I honestly don’t know which was worse not being able to breathe during meditation on day 2 because of sickness or meditating while feeling dizzy and nauseated all day long. I had to learn to adjust to the changes in how I felt from days 2 to 6. My focus was the comparison of those distinctly different feelings.

I didn’t have much to eat all day because of my preoccupation with how I felt. I had to force myself to eat so I would have some kind of energy throughout the day. However, day 6 was absolutely my favorite day thus far because by mid-afternoon -- viola -- God graced His presence upon me. I was finally able to meditate: I sat for an hour with slight movement and flowed with my breath. I felt victoriously joyful and liberated while tearfully blissful for being able to accomplish Vipassana Meditation. The best way I can explain the sensations are lightness: the entirety of my surroundings were bright, my body was slightly warm all over and I was moving gracefully. My mind was clear from monkey mind chatter and I felt like I was glowing. Coincidentally, was I was wearing a Rocky T-shirt featuring the scene after his run up to the monument where he had his arms up like he’d won.

That’s how I felt.

Lesson from Discourse:

The one thing that stuck out during his sermon was that you can love your mate so deeply but still be detached. In past relationships, my experience has been that you will lose yourself being with someone. Don’t get me wrong, I learned from a few and the rest I was left hanging. All of these were my fault for sure because each time I let myself get lost. That’s what happens when you put others before yourself because of craving and aversion of bad habits. The sensations of pleasant and unpleasant were my choice of suffering without any understanding of my emotions.

Each and every time, I enjoyed being with someone thinking that each of those past men at their time were the ONE. Those were the pleasant moments, the ones where I thought that this time, it could be love. I was blinded by all the cravings, aversion, the mental and physical depletion, and self-doubts. Truth be told I thought those were normal outcomes all the freaking time as well as the consequences I’ve put myself through. Now looking back, I laugh at myself for putting myself in those situations. I was very naive and inexperienced in the beautiful struggle of life; others can be cruel with no empathy nor compassion for others. I thought everyone has those mental and emotional depletions too; I was wrong.

As Wayne Dyer said: “Work at being content with who you are, rather than pleasing others by being inauthentic. Say to yourself, ‘I am what I am, and it is okay as long as I am not hurting anyone else in the process.’ “

You don’t have to apologize for anything or anyone. You don’t have to apologize to anyone for anything that you are.

Craving is a fire that will keep on burning, no matter what fuels it. It takes you away from being peaceful. By learning to be aware of all the feelings within and to remain equanimous towards them, only then you can stop the fire before it starts again. Then and only then you can come out of misery.

The Divine in me honors the Divine in You. I recognize my true essence in every soul I meet. I am you, you are me and we are one.