My highest lowest moment

💛365 days of Gratitude 🙏 Day 116🌺 

Yesterday I was prepping my goodbye email at work. I was in such a rush that instead of saving the email I ended up clicking send instead. I recalled the email but a few already seen it so there was no point hiding so I just followed it up with my last day. I know there’s much I can do about it.

Then my boss sends me an email saying that it was unprofessional of me to do it. I knew that but it serious was an accident why the fuck would I want that much attention when I still have 5 days to go. Also I know my Boss/Friend means well but the one thing that I don’t understand about me is that why do I let that feeling of embarrassment makes me feel paralyzed. It was even hard for me to go to the kitchen to get my water this morning. Then I realized that it’s been like that since I became a target of not being liked by my own cousins. I became accustomed to it and every time I did something “wrong” according to them I left more and more insecure in my skin. I became very destructive I’m my mind which became a ripple in my body and action. I have no hate or dislike for them it’s just hard to reprogram my mind to how it used to be carefree from everything not just certain things. I victimized my own self for putting myself in that situation but without those experience I wouldn’t be where I am right now. As much as I want to say I would have rather stayed away from all that drama I actually don’t. God put me in this path for a reason, I’m not fully sure as to what may that be but I know it’s something Great.

In the midst of a tumultuous past few days God still blessing me with wonderness. Today at work they were giving away merchandise. I was able to grab a few thing for a few great friends of mine. Then I went to the store to buy a hair dye and a men asked me for money and i had no cash. He asked me for water, juice and a Dorito so I went back in the store and got him what he wanted. It’s all I could give and it was so cold outside. Everything that's happening good and bad but there is no such thing as good and bad. They are just events.